Negativity
I've been working on a helium article about how negativity affects relationships. It got me thinking a lot about my own negativity and other people I knew who are very negative. Last year my boyfriend pointed out how negative I was. I thought I was a little negative and complained a little. Around then I read a blog and she had challenged herself to not complain or speak negative for 30 days. I thought it was a good idea mainly because I think a lot of negative thoughts when I see people I don't like. Once I forced my self to think positive and not to complain. I noticed I started to think before I spoke and forced my self to think good thoughts. It was not easy and I admit without making a effort I became negative again. One thing I did notice was when your around someone who's negative and complains a lot it spreads to everyone around them. Now I'm at the point where I can not stand to listen to someone who's always negative and can always find fault with the world. I'm on a quest to be happy and fulfill my God given purpose. That's enough to make you switch your focus to become more positive. Plus it'll spread to everyone around you.
May 27, 2009
May 26, 2009
Do you really want to be rich?
Lately I've been paying a lot of attention to my finances. I keep asking my self do I really want to be considered rich. One day I heard money doesn't change the inner problems you have and money doesn't make you happy. At first I thought let me be rich and I can be the judge of that. After working in a area where most of the people are so-called rich I had a change of heart. Most rich people act like they are better than someone and that they own everything. For example I was backing out of a parking space, well this guy in a Benz was doing the same. I started first but instead of him waiting for me to fully pull out here he comes fast blocking me. What pissed me off was he started to honk at me and motion for me to back up more. So I gave him the finger and honked back and I yelled a few extra words until he backed up and let me go. Every week day I run into some selfish rich person. I don't get upset anymore. I watch CNBC, rich people are no longer rich. They're living a lie. Most of them have two and three mortgages on their homes. Most lease their cars so after two years they have nothing to show for it. And they use credit to pay for this lifestyle they can not afford. That's got to be a lot of pressure. The best advice my grandfather gave me was: if you can't pay cash for it you don't need it. With the economy the way it is I firmly stick to this. Peace
Lately I've been paying a lot of attention to my finances. I keep asking my self do I really want to be considered rich. One day I heard money doesn't change the inner problems you have and money doesn't make you happy. At first I thought let me be rich and I can be the judge of that. After working in a area where most of the people are so-called rich I had a change of heart. Most rich people act like they are better than someone and that they own everything. For example I was backing out of a parking space, well this guy in a Benz was doing the same. I started first but instead of him waiting for me to fully pull out here he comes fast blocking me. What pissed me off was he started to honk at me and motion for me to back up more. So I gave him the finger and honked back and I yelled a few extra words until he backed up and let me go. Every week day I run into some selfish rich person. I don't get upset anymore. I watch CNBC, rich people are no longer rich. They're living a lie. Most of them have two and three mortgages on their homes. Most lease their cars so after two years they have nothing to show for it. And they use credit to pay for this lifestyle they can not afford. That's got to be a lot of pressure. The best advice my grandfather gave me was: if you can't pay cash for it you don't need it. With the economy the way it is I firmly stick to this. Peace
May 20, 2009
RIP Radio
Across the country Clear Channel smooth jazz stations are being taken off the air. They (Clear Channel) claim it’s because of some made up market research study that says there are no listeners. In Atlanta I may believe that bull, because it’s a lot of young Black people here who don’t know real music. But in the San Francisco/Oakland Bay Area I just don’t believe it. I grow up in the Bay and I remember when we had two jazz stations, KBLX and KKSF. I was so pissed when KBLX changed their format and became a loyal KKSF listener. When I moved to Atlanta there wasn’t a jazz station and I listened to KKSF daily online until we got a station. I said all this to say, radio station owners don’t know anything about their listeners. There are no good stations out there. There are no stations promoting good artist that have talent. If you live in Atlanta, when was the last time you heard a good singer with a real band being played on V103 or 107.9? I sent Clear Channel and asked them what was next. Are they going to get rid of the gospel station and Michael Baisden Show next? If they do that will be the end of me listening to the radio. Since the jazz station is gone I really don’t listen to the radio in my car anymore. If you like good music check out Smooth Jazz Universe and I also listen to AOL Neo Soul station. The Neo Soul station has a short rotation but something is better than nothing. Peace
Across the country Clear Channel smooth jazz stations are being taken off the air. They (Clear Channel) claim it’s because of some made up market research study that says there are no listeners. In Atlanta I may believe that bull, because it’s a lot of young Black people here who don’t know real music. But in the San Francisco/Oakland Bay Area I just don’t believe it. I grow up in the Bay and I remember when we had two jazz stations, KBLX and KKSF. I was so pissed when KBLX changed their format and became a loyal KKSF listener. When I moved to Atlanta there wasn’t a jazz station and I listened to KKSF daily online until we got a station. I said all this to say, radio station owners don’t know anything about their listeners. There are no good stations out there. There are no stations promoting good artist that have talent. If you live in Atlanta, when was the last time you heard a good singer with a real band being played on V103 or 107.9? I sent Clear Channel and asked them what was next. Are they going to get rid of the gospel station and Michael Baisden Show next? If they do that will be the end of me listening to the radio. Since the jazz station is gone I really don’t listen to the radio in my car anymore. If you like good music check out Smooth Jazz Universe and I also listen to AOL Neo Soul station. The Neo Soul station has a short rotation but something is better than nothing. Peace
May 15, 2009
Balance
Being a working mom I have been focusing more and more on having balance in my life. For months I went without any balance and it caused a major issue in areas of my life that have been neglected. So now I'm on a mission of having balance and realistic life plan and a search for general happiness. This all started while cleaning out work emails. My boss of all people sent all of the administrative staff links on how to get things done. One link was zenhabits. After reading several posts on this site and my daily emails from Joel Osteen. I have started thinking about my life plan. Something I just put off because of work and family. I think that's a mistake working moms make, we are so use to putting everyone else first we forget about ourselves. One thing I'm learning about life is that you have to grow in every area of your life or you'll become miserable always thinking there's got to be more to life than this. Or you just accept your pitiful life. To me not having purpose and a passion about life was not a life worth living. For me my first step was not complaining and forcing myself to be positive. Second I wrote down my ideas and goals. I'm a writer so I do this often but forcing myself to narrow down my goals have been a challenge. If your a writer you may feel like there's never enough time to write that perfect novel. I've been writing a novel and short stories for years, always starting and never finishing. For me it time to start finishing what I started.
Peace
Being a working mom I have been focusing more and more on having balance in my life. For months I went without any balance and it caused a major issue in areas of my life that have been neglected. So now I'm on a mission of having balance and realistic life plan and a search for general happiness. This all started while cleaning out work emails. My boss of all people sent all of the administrative staff links on how to get things done. One link was zenhabits. After reading several posts on this site and my daily emails from Joel Osteen. I have started thinking about my life plan. Something I just put off because of work and family. I think that's a mistake working moms make, we are so use to putting everyone else first we forget about ourselves. One thing I'm learning about life is that you have to grow in every area of your life or you'll become miserable always thinking there's got to be more to life than this. Or you just accept your pitiful life. To me not having purpose and a passion about life was not a life worth living. For me my first step was not complaining and forcing myself to be positive. Second I wrote down my ideas and goals. I'm a writer so I do this often but forcing myself to narrow down my goals have been a challenge. If your a writer you may feel like there's never enough time to write that perfect novel. I've been writing a novel and short stories for years, always starting and never finishing. For me it time to start finishing what I started.
Peace
May 08, 2009
Mother's Day
Mother's Day was supposedly started by some lady named Anna Jarvis. She wanted to honor her mom after she was dead. That right there is stupid to me. Honor someone who's dead, what about when they're alive. I guess that's why restaurant, florist and card makers turn things around. Now the day is turned into a pointless, guilt driven day. Men feel guilty because they never take the time to let their moms or mother of their children know how much they appreciate them. Children are brought up to believe it's okay to be a selfish brat as long as on Mother's Day you make mom a card and fix her a horrible breakfast.
I lost my mom 19 years ago so I don't have to deal with the guilt companies want you to feel so you'll spend money. I've never been big on any holidays. I don't put pressure on anyone to do anything special for me. I think I speak for a lot of mom's, we rather be told thank you and I love you through out the year than only on one day.
Peace
Mother's Day was supposedly started by some lady named Anna Jarvis. She wanted to honor her mom after she was dead. That right there is stupid to me. Honor someone who's dead, what about when they're alive. I guess that's why restaurant, florist and card makers turn things around. Now the day is turned into a pointless, guilt driven day. Men feel guilty because they never take the time to let their moms or mother of their children know how much they appreciate them. Children are brought up to believe it's okay to be a selfish brat as long as on Mother's Day you make mom a card and fix her a horrible breakfast.
I lost my mom 19 years ago so I don't have to deal with the guilt companies want you to feel so you'll spend money. I've never been big on any holidays. I don't put pressure on anyone to do anything special for me. I think I speak for a lot of mom's, we rather be told thank you and I love you through out the year than only on one day.
Peace
May 07, 2009
Why do women cry?
It's well documented that women are more emotional than men and think more than men. Women don't react to a situation until we've had a moment to think. Within the thinking process things may make a woman feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Then the tears come. At this point men don't understand why women cry. See men don't have emotions they just handle what they can and tune out the rest. Women are left to deal with the tuned out parts of life.
Most women go through life ready to explode. With working full time, being a overtime mom and wife to most of the time a selfish, childlike man, traffic and then there are the bills. Women are ticking time bombs. All it takes is one more thing. Don't let one of the kids get sick while she's at work. At that moment most women are ready to say F everything and go get their kid. Then you think of the bills and then you call your husband. He's response is, is the kid really sick. You scream he has a temp of 103 and you hang up on him. Why do women have to deal with everything? That's when the tears start to build, but your at work so you keep it cool. It's work you can't let the back stabbing men at your job see your weakness.
Now your home after getting the kids, bring down your sons fever and managed to do a little work from home. Here comes your husband. You ask him please keep an eye on the kids so I can get dinner started. Then you hear a crash sounds and a kid screaming. WTF? You rush to the living room. What do you find? One kid on top of the other do some new wrestling move. And where's your husband? On the phone and busy on the Internet not paying attention to the kids or you. You take a look around, the kids okay just a little fall, but the living room you just cleaned is a mess. At this point if you were a man you would scream, hit the wall and go lock yourself in the bedroom to get away from it all. But no your a woman, you take a deep breathe your ready to explode, instead you go to the kitchen to make sure you don't burn down the house. You wipe tears from your eyes.
Later that night when all is quiet you cry yourself to sleep. Why? Why is this woman crying? To keep from killing her husband in his sleep! To sum everything up women cry to help relieve the pressure of life. We are not your mothers we have ten times the stress than a woman in say the 60's. While men only have to deal with work. Women have work, kid, keeping husbands satisfied and then maybe take care of their own needs. As long as men sit back and watch their wife's slowly die inside from stress and pressure, women will cry. Men get use to it or do something about it.
It's well documented that women are more emotional than men and think more than men. Women don't react to a situation until we've had a moment to think. Within the thinking process things may make a woman feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Then the tears come. At this point men don't understand why women cry. See men don't have emotions they just handle what they can and tune out the rest. Women are left to deal with the tuned out parts of life.
Most women go through life ready to explode. With working full time, being a overtime mom and wife to most of the time a selfish, childlike man, traffic and then there are the bills. Women are ticking time bombs. All it takes is one more thing. Don't let one of the kids get sick while she's at work. At that moment most women are ready to say F everything and go get their kid. Then you think of the bills and then you call your husband. He's response is, is the kid really sick. You scream he has a temp of 103 and you hang up on him. Why do women have to deal with everything? That's when the tears start to build, but your at work so you keep it cool. It's work you can't let the back stabbing men at your job see your weakness.
Now your home after getting the kids, bring down your sons fever and managed to do a little work from home. Here comes your husband. You ask him please keep an eye on the kids so I can get dinner started. Then you hear a crash sounds and a kid screaming. WTF? You rush to the living room. What do you find? One kid on top of the other do some new wrestling move. And where's your husband? On the phone and busy on the Internet not paying attention to the kids or you. You take a look around, the kids okay just a little fall, but the living room you just cleaned is a mess. At this point if you were a man you would scream, hit the wall and go lock yourself in the bedroom to get away from it all. But no your a woman, you take a deep breathe your ready to explode, instead you go to the kitchen to make sure you don't burn down the house. You wipe tears from your eyes.
Later that night when all is quiet you cry yourself to sleep. Why? Why is this woman crying? To keep from killing her husband in his sleep! To sum everything up women cry to help relieve the pressure of life. We are not your mothers we have ten times the stress than a woman in say the 60's. While men only have to deal with work. Women have work, kid, keeping husbands satisfied and then maybe take care of their own needs. As long as men sit back and watch their wife's slowly die inside from stress and pressure, women will cry. Men get use to it or do something about it.
Is it really 'tough love' ... or just cruelty?
I can only answer this question based on my own experiences. I happen to be in a relationship with a person who truly believes you should be harder on the person you love verses someone else. Sometimes he's even questioned why I don't point out negative things in him. I can understand the passion one feels for their loved one to be the best they can be. The problem comes when there is no balance or the person expectations are too high or unrealistic.
I'm a firm believer that a person will be more responsive to negative criticism if you also make a habit of giving positive criticism. Who wants to constantly hear negative things about themselves? Especially from someone who claims to love you. It can also add to your frustration if you already criticize yourself. For me I down myself enough I don't need someone adding to my pain. If you see someone has some serious issues especially character issues it might help to let them know what they are making progress in. People are so quick to point out your flaws but are never around to dish out some love. They hide behind the fact that they are telling the truth. What about saying nice things that are also true?
I also noticed people who have high expectations for you can hurt you by pointing out every time you come up short of their expectations. Parents are known for this. They push their own agenda on their kids. Every parent wants and expects great things from their children. Wanting them to succeed at life should be done in a balance way. I think this is harder for parents who have great success themselves. I didn't like my mother breathing down my back to be great in areas I had no interest in so I choose not to do that to my daughter.
Pushing someone you care about to excel in life is normal. We all do it to people we care about and appreciate when someone does it for us. Remember everything should be done in a balance way. Peace.
I can only answer this question based on my own experiences. I happen to be in a relationship with a person who truly believes you should be harder on the person you love verses someone else. Sometimes he's even questioned why I don't point out negative things in him. I can understand the passion one feels for their loved one to be the best they can be. The problem comes when there is no balance or the person expectations are too high or unrealistic.
I'm a firm believer that a person will be more responsive to negative criticism if you also make a habit of giving positive criticism. Who wants to constantly hear negative things about themselves? Especially from someone who claims to love you. It can also add to your frustration if you already criticize yourself. For me I down myself enough I don't need someone adding to my pain. If you see someone has some serious issues especially character issues it might help to let them know what they are making progress in. People are so quick to point out your flaws but are never around to dish out some love. They hide behind the fact that they are telling the truth. What about saying nice things that are also true?
I also noticed people who have high expectations for you can hurt you by pointing out every time you come up short of their expectations. Parents are known for this. They push their own agenda on their kids. Every parent wants and expects great things from their children. Wanting them to succeed at life should be done in a balance way. I think this is harder for parents who have great success themselves. I didn't like my mother breathing down my back to be great in areas I had no interest in so I choose not to do that to my daughter.
Pushing someone you care about to excel in life is normal. We all do it to people we care about and appreciate when someone does it for us. Remember everything should be done in a balance way. Peace.
November 05, 2008
Not a 2nd Class Citizen
Who would have thought, a black man is the president of the United States of America. Not only is this a big victory for Blacks in this country but for every minority and women. No longer will only the voices of rich white people and racisist southern whites be the only voices heard. Finally everyone who pays taxes in this country voice will be heard. Finally this country can set an example for the world instead of pointing the finger at other countries but still have children without proper education and health care. Obama becoming president means so much more for this country then anyone realizes. My children can now have a chance to get a got start in life and compete with the world. I'm so excited that to my kids a woman president or Mexican president wont be a joke. Everyone is saying they never thought they would see the day that a Black man president, will we did. There's not only hope for me in this country but there's nothing in this world my kids can dream to be and it come to pass.
Peace
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